Perseverance

When everything in your life changes, life requires perseverance. Whether we like it or not, we have to keep going or life will pass you by.

After the death of your spouse and it feels like half of you died, you have to keep walking. Three months later when your mom dies, it comes to the point of just holding on to the One above. Letting God carry you and walk in The Lord's grace.

The blows that hit you, they hit hard. Everything you go to do is different. All those around are you are new. It's a new life. New friends. New Church. New co-workers.

Carrying grief is heavy. All the decisions you have to make takes a lot out of you. Making new friends can take a lot out you, it is a total blessing but can be weary.

Last week I started walking with a group from the college in my neighborhood. I'm getting exercise and meeting new people. Last night I went to a ladies group with a friend that I just met this year at another 'new' ladies group that I have been attending this year.

One looks for the familiar but when the familiar is not there, you have to keep going. There is no going back. Only looking forward and moving forward. At times I would love to stay in the state of grieving and shock and unbelief but I know it is not healthy. Also, I learned this with my sister's death 30 years ago. I had just turned 17 and saw life taken. I still remember my thougths 'why live if you are just going to die'. I struggled with this for many years. The Lord graciously healed me. There was a time when I had to chose to live and to chose life. It is now at this same time with losing Robert that I have to chose to live. I have to chose to go on with life.

I'm ready. I do chose life. I thank God for my time with Robert. He will always be a part of my life. He made a huge impact on my life and my life is much different today than it was five years ago.

To go on with life takes perseverance. Thank you Lord for your strength. Thank you for carrying me. Thank you for being there and never leaving me. You are my everything.