Last night was my second night at GriefShare. All through the evening, even before I got in there, the tears kept coming. I'm not sure why, unless I know deep down that this is a safe place where I know people are going to understand my tears. I don't have to hide them, pretend things are okay, but truly let out the dam break and the tears can come flooding out.
My small group has a family of 5 that lost two people in their family. We exchanged phone numbers. They invited me to be a part of their family. Actually, as I was driving there, my thoughts went to 'what if I were in an accident, who would they contact?' I have no one here for an emergency number. It is different not having close family.
All the changes....being by myself...
The question last night 'What do I think my new normal looks like?' At this point in my life, I have no idea. I have no reference point as to what, where, when my life is going to go and what it will look like.
The book I am reading believes that I can totally be healed, not that I will ever forget Robert but the sting of death I won't have to live with.
Until then....I miss my Robert. I miss my life with him.
Let the cleaning flood come.
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