So, here I sit. It's been a busy week with all the phone calls and various things I needed to take care of. Tonight, I had over 2 hours of ball room dance lessons. My teacher is very happy with me and surprised how quickly I can pick up dancing. He said that it comes naturally for me.
Dancing is such an intimate move. Getting so lost in the music, concentrating on the steps and allowing yourself to be lead around the dance floor by your partner. Great exercise, but yet such a joy to dance.
I started GriefShare last night with Liberty Baptist. So, for the next 12 weeks, every Wednesday night, I will be busy. Do I really want to go? Not, really. But the heavy heart and void in my life has caused me to go. It's still hard to imagine life without Robert. I can't believe that he is dead and I will never see him or speak with him.
My days find enough activities to get involved with. Monday I am getting together with Marilyn and Cindy. Looking forward to my time with them. Have a few other friends I want to get together with.
Even though I have plans most days, the tears continue to find me. At some point during the day they come. They are a faithful friend right now.
God's word says that He turns our mourning into joy. It's hard for me to imagine. A life of solitude. My kitties don't talk so much.
The void is deep. My heart is heavy. People say I'm doing well but what else could I do. I have to walk through it. I have lost my husband, mom and dad. My life has been forever changed. Who will God bring in my life to be family for me here in Virginia? Do I stay here? Robert wasn't the reason I'm in Virginia, just Newport News.
Can God really bring the healing I need? All I can do is rest in His arms and trust one day I will have joy again. A smile and laughter can hide a lot of things. There is a deep river that is rushing inside of me.
Lord, I am not far from your sight. I know you see what I'm walking through. I continue to thank you for being in my life and bringing the healing I need. Take this heavy heart from me.
Thank you.
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