Hate

Hate is a very strong word. According to Webster:
A: intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury
B: extreme dislike or antipathy: LOTHING hate of hard work

Today over 8 months since losing Robert, a sense of hate stirs in my heart.

Hate that I do not have my husband.
Hate that my life has totally turned upside down.
Hate that I have to wake each morning without finding my husband in my bed.
Hate that every evening going to sleep, it is by myself.
Hate that I don't have Robert to take care.
Hate that it took me 42 years to find Robert and only had him for 5 years.
Hate that I will never see my Robert’s eyes, smile or hear his laugh or his voice.
Hate that I have to go on with life without my Robert.
Hate it that my joy has been lost. I loved my life with Robert.
Hate that now I no longer have my parents as well.

My worst nightmare has happened. I have lost my family.

The grief and loss is heavy. It is taking a toll on my body.

Can The Lord truly turn my life around?

I continue to give my life to The Lord.
I lift my eyes unto the hills, whence comes my help? My help comes from the The Lord. Psalm 121

I hurt Lord.