When tragedy hits home

 

In memory of my late husband, Robert

March 18, 1963 - October 4, 2012

When tragedy hits home, how do we respond? What is the affect that it takes on the body? Where does our strength come from? What if we look normal and no one can see the struggles we go through?

When you think you are strong enough to move forward, when you push yourself ahead, only to find that the weakness is still there. Learning to take one day at a time and enjoy the blessings that God has surrounded you with. We are called to live one day a time, but many, under pressure and stress try to push forward into the next day, year, 10 years. But yet, God gives us manna and grace for one day. Not taking anything more or anything less but what will fill you for that one day.

The third anniversary of my late's husband's death is soon approaching, October 4. Even though, I have moved forward and God has blessed me with another husband for the last year and a half, and a beautiful daughter, the consequences of his death still takes a toll on my body, mind and emotions. The world says move forward, let the past go. God says 'Rest in me.' I don't have to compare my grief with another's grief. I don't have to compare my story to anyone else's. God has given me my life to live the journey that He set forth for me. Nothing is a surprise for The Lord. I can be secure in the grace that God gives me to live each day. To be the blessing of those closest to me. And I have the hope that The Lord is using me in ways that I don't see.

My desire since knowing The Lord on June 19, 1988 has been to make a difference for Him. The Lord has taken me around the world, 13 different countries, and touching many nations with friends along the way. This little, shy, farm girl who had no voice listened to The Lord. It's a choice that I will never forget and don't regret. And now, living in a huge city and attending a church the size of my small town. I know that God has not forgotten me and He knows right where I am. The confidence of knowing The Lord and Him being Lord over my life was sealed the day I lost Robert. The grace and strength The Lord gave me during the time of Robert's death has been unique and quite warming to my heart and mind.

I made a difference in the last five years of Robert's life. And I can only trust that I am making a difference now in ways that I can not see.

Are you walking in God's grace and strength or walking in your own? The Lord says, He will give us rest.'

Lost

When an avalanche happens much is lost. The beauty of the landscape, to the animals that inhabit the location. Plus, if anyone has ever built anything around such a place, all is lost beneath the rubble.


So, what happens when an 'avalanche' hits a person? It could be a death, moving, accident and so on. The person remains intact but the emotions may go on an emotional roller coaster.

Death and grief go hand-in-hand. When there is death a world can turn upside down. With God in the midst of it, there is grace to walk through. There is a Light that shines through the rubble. It's being able to walk through the rubble and make sense of the life at the other end of that rubble. What will it look like? Much is lost but there is still a whole lot to gain. Stepping up and over and around the boulders that have fallen. Wondering if you will be able to continue on.

Looking back I have had ten deaths in the last six years. Some that held significant places in my life and others that affect me, as it has hit close to home. Now being in a safe place, I am seeing the rubble where I have come from. But yet being able to move forward takes a baby step each day.

Boxes still fill my house, as I sift through my emotions and 'stuff', to create a new life with the blessings of a new husband and a daughter. God knew what I would need when he brought them into my life. There is joy in my life and I have moved forward, but yet, there is a darkness that lurks beneath.

When meeting new friends, my conversations can quickly turn to death and grief. It's not that I hold onto them but each conversations leads and directs from your life. My life in the last six years has drastically taken a turn. So, as I sort through my rubble, will those who come into my life be able to give me the grace to sort through my life.

Many will say 'you need to let go'...my question, let go of what? Many will say 'you need to move on'...I have done such. Many will say 'you need to forgive'...is this really about forgiveness or finding a life that has drastically changed? Many will say 'the past is the past'...so what does that really mean? The answers come quickly from folks who may not understand or have walked the path of grief and loss. And there is forgiveness for those who lack the understanding and quickly speak with their mouths.

Doesn't the past reflect upon what the future holds. When Jesus comes into a person's life, He doesn't just change you over night but over time. There are times when He may do that in a person's life but for the most part, if He drastically changed you over night, you would not be able to recognize yourself. It is gradual as you seek The Lord each day.

We are not lost in God's eyes when tragedy hits. His Hand of grace and strength can be found. As we move forward there is much to gain. There are others that will follow behind. Will you be a blessing to those that may walk in your footsteps? What are the hidden things that God wants to bring forth into your life? We live and have our being in Him. He is the One who has given us breathe. He knows everything about you! So when things are 'lost', look for the Shining Light in the rubble.

Jesus' past is our hope for the future. Him dying on the cross has given us eternal life. Our past does reflect our future, we are made in the Lord's image. His past reflects our future. Nothing is lost if we continue to seek The Lord. There is Hope!!

When We Must Say Good-bye

Life is short. Why play games. When you like someone, say what you mean. Those final good-byes will never be again. Live with no regrets. One day you will wish you had. And there are no do-overs. It's final. The last breathe is gone.

The feelings come in like a flood. No words can bring comfort. Everything is numb. It's a moment that stops in time. No more 'hello, how are yous'. No more joking around. No more smiles or laughter of the one you love. Only emptiness and numbness are to be found.

The sting is only for a moment. When the burning subsides, life will go on. But from that moment and each moment that follows, life has made a turn that will be different from this moment on. Your loved one has taken their last breathe. And it seems they have taken your last breathe with them. It's hard to breathe. It's hard to move on. You want so badly to hang on. But there is no hanging on, only moving forward.

The tears come and life comes to a stop. It's moving forward that we must do. To move forward feels that we are leaving our loved one behind, but yet in actuality, they have gone before us. They have taken their last moment of breathe, to live life eternally before our Heavenly Father. No more pain, no more suffering. They are rejoicing before their Maker.

Feel the pain. Cry the tears. Walk through the grief. The Maker is there for you and me. His name is Jesus and He catches every tear we cry. He heals the pain we feel. He will always walk beside. Call out to your Heavenly Father. He is the Great Comforter.

Time is a factor. Moving forward requires strength. Strength that is taken when a loved one dies. Strength that is precious to be able to stand boldly. Strength that is a gift to live this life again.

Death is final but living life for Jesus is for eternity. Here on earth and for those who have gone before. Cry out to Jesus!!

Death Paralyzes

When death comes to your door step, it can paralyze one's life. Life doesn't seem to make sense any more, everything that you have lived up to, to this point in your life has just been thrown out the window. Memories, thoughts, actions of one's life depend upon the people they have around them. The people around you are the ones who have helped form your thoughts and actions of who they are. Your energies are now for survival and moving forward. Where is God in the midst of death?

Grief comes in like a storm. Emotions shut down. Life stops.

Where is God in the midst of death

God is in every pain we feel. God is in the depths of our hearts. God is in the very fiber of our being. He is the One who created us. He is the One who made us in His image. What we feel and what we walk through is not foreign to God. He sent His son to die on a cross; to shed His blood for our sins.

Where is God in the midst of death

Jesus was sent here to die. His purpose was to die on a Cross so that we would be forgiven and walk freely with our Heavenly Father, who created us. Death is not far off from the One who knew it so closely.

Where is God in the midst of death

God grieved when He knew of Adam's disobedience in the Garden of Eve. The apple of knowledge brought a death to our relationship with God. He knew what He would need to do to once again bring life into His creation of mankind. A grievance of His heart to send His One and Only Son to die. A death that would bring eternal life for those who believe.

Where is God in the midst of death

Nothing is new to God. He is in the midst of death. He will comfort and bring joy if we allow Him. If we are able to let go and trust. Allowing the death to bring life for those who experience it. All will at some point in their life experience death. It doesn't become real till it hits close to home.

Where is God in the midst of death

Allow death to hit your heart but also allow your heart to be open to the life that only Jesus can do. Allow for the healing to come. As quickly as a life can change in a moment of time, Jesus can also bring the healing and comfort that we need.

God is in the midst of death. Do you feel His tears? Do you feel the touch of His Hand? He is here.

'Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?' 1 Corinthians 15:55  

Changes

Once again, death faces me in my thoughts and memories. On April 14, 2015, my spiritual papa, Bob Lichty passed away. About a three week warning with just being diagnosed with lymphoma, a small stomach ulcer and a small hiatus hernia. His body continued to get weaker and ended up in the ER. After a pet scan and a cat scan, they found a perforated intestine saying he needed emergency surgery. Paul and I headed to Williamsburg, barely making it there before they took him back for surgery. He was supposed to wake up, but the next day, we needed to say our good-byes.


So, once again, I face changes in my life. Changes that I would have preferred not to have to deal with but changes. As I look back and reflect upon this past year, Bob and Vicki were very much a part of my settling in Virginia Beach. Almost all the holidays, birthdays, etc. revealed photos of them joining us. Markings on the calendar of them spending a day or two or however many days they would stay. A week in Myrtle Beach over Christmas, memories of mine and Paul’s first anniversary in Nags Head with Bob and Vicki coming to a couple of nights.

Once again, my life has changed. When there is death, life is around the corner, but yet, I’m still looking and waiting. New life, as some like to say a ‘new normal’ but I myself don’t like those words.

There are still boxes that remain unopened from my life altering moments of deaths before. Stuff that still needs to be sorted through, but yet, they remain unopened. Probably a reflection of one’s life with all that we live through, it is the way we deal with life and compartmentalize our lives. Full of stuff, some good, some bad, and others that we wonder why we kept at all.

Purposely and intently needing to set the time a part once again for sorting and making sense of a life that God has deeply touched, but yet, needs continued healing.

All during this same time period, we had workers here siding and fixing up our house. As they side the house and make it all pretty, it is still the same house. All the changes have not changed the location, the shape, or what it is. It is still a house. It still functions. It has just been fixed to preserve the life that it has and for the purpose the folks who live in it.

Some changes are good and some changes are bad. But it is what we do with the choice that we have to face each day. God has given us life. He gives us grace and strength in times of trouble. On the outside, we may look as though nothing has changed but on the inside we may be crumbling to the ground, looking for answers to make sense of the path that lies before us. While yet, living life to the fullest.

Reasons for Writing

The reason I'm writing has been impressed upon my heart for a long time. Thinking of different subjects to write about but never knowing for sure which way to go. Death seems to be a common factor in my life in recent years and with another significant I find myself at the threshold of grieving.

My first experience of death was May 1982 with my grandma but soon to be overshadowed by my sister's tragic death on August 14, 1982. She was only 21. I saw life taken so quickly. Someone who loved life and was a friend to many. Working at our local bank and winning her baseball game, even the night of the tragic accident on Friday the 13th. I don't like to be superstitious but when a Friday the 13th rolls around, it does bring back memories of the night my brother came breaking into our home to get my parents from a deep sleep.

I had just turned 17 on August 2. My AFS (American Foreign Exchange Student) sister was visiting that summer. I remember crawling back into mom and dad's waterbed with my sister, Cindy, so we could be close to the phone if and when they would call us. The next day, we found ourselves in Peoria at the hospital, where I saw my sister lying motionless with her eyes taped shut. Only to have to say our good-byes.

A life taken way too soon. Thoughts of 'Why wan't it me?' She was the fun, loving, outgoing one. I was the shy, quiet, farm girl, whose best friends were her furry pets. And later, learning after I had graduated high school that classmates thought I was stuck up.

Now my thoughts, I wish that folks would not judge so quickly of those who are shy. I, personally, think I'm quite funny and love to laugh. But yet, only a few who really get to know me will ever see that side. One of my favorite things to do is make people laugh. But yet, if I'm around sarcastic people, they will never see that side of me. I've learned too many times of the slander and jokes that people think are funny when they aim it as a person, rather than an object. All for those around to hear the laughter, but yet, forgetting the pain that they may be causing the person of whom they have just ridiculed.

So, yes, death and grieving have touched my heart and life. So here I sit, letting the thoughts flow through my mind, down to my finger tips to write from a heart saddened once again to process life with yet another loss in my life, my spiritual papa.

A Life's Journey

So, it's been awhile since I last wrote. I believe that I mentioned that I met another man. Needless to say, after many texts, many emails, many phone calls and long weekend fun times with him. He asked me to marry him on October 26. We met on ChristianMingle and we hit it off. Never did I imagine that God would bless me so quickly with bringing another Godly man into my life.

We met on June 7 and less than five months later he asked me to marry him. I said 'YES'. We plan to wed on February 15, 2014. The excitement continues to build inside of me as we plan our wedding.

But with the excitement comes lots of emotions yet for me. With losing Robert and the change of my life so quickly. It soon will be a year since losing mom and I'm feeling the absence of her life here on earth. I miss talking with her. There is so much a part of me that wishes she was here so I could tell her all about Paul and Mary Beth. I am finally giving her a 'step' granddaughter. Something I thought would never happen. But yet in this life's journey, God has a way of bringing things around.

It is yet again, that I am going to pack my house and move to another city. A city foreign to me but yet has new and exciting adventures for the future. A whole new world for me. God in is infinite power and wisdom, His love for us knows how to move us and knows us to the depth of giving us what we need. Not necessarily what we want but what we need.

I have found over this past year that God is faithful. When we make that commitment to Him and lay our lives down for His glory, He takes us seriously. People all around me are seeing God's faithfulness to me and how He has carried me in this past year. For your glory God....for your Glory. It is a good thing we do not know what lies ahead of us. We would probably run the other direction.

Where is God in your lifee today?