Reasons for Writing

The reason I'm writing has been impressed upon my heart for a long time. Thinking of different subjects to write about but never knowing for sure which way to go. Death seems to be a common factor in my life in recent years and with another significant I find myself at the threshold of grieving.

My first experience of death was May 1982 with my grandma but soon to be overshadowed by my sister's tragic death on August 14, 1982. She was only 21. I saw life taken so quickly. Someone who loved life and was a friend to many. Working at our local bank and winning her baseball game, even the night of the tragic accident on Friday the 13th. I don't like to be superstitious but when a Friday the 13th rolls around, it does bring back memories of the night my brother came breaking into our home to get my parents from a deep sleep.

I had just turned 17 on August 2. My AFS (American Foreign Exchange Student) sister was visiting that summer. I remember crawling back into mom and dad's waterbed with my sister, Cindy, so we could be close to the phone if and when they would call us. The next day, we found ourselves in Peoria at the hospital, where I saw my sister lying motionless with her eyes taped shut. Only to have to say our good-byes.

A life taken way too soon. Thoughts of 'Why wan't it me?' She was the fun, loving, outgoing one. I was the shy, quiet, farm girl, whose best friends were her furry pets. And later, learning after I had graduated high school that classmates thought I was stuck up.

Now my thoughts, I wish that folks would not judge so quickly of those who are shy. I, personally, think I'm quite funny and love to laugh. But yet, only a few who really get to know me will ever see that side. One of my favorite things to do is make people laugh. But yet, if I'm around sarcastic people, they will never see that side of me. I've learned too many times of the slander and jokes that people think are funny when they aim it as a person, rather than an object. All for those around to hear the laughter, but yet, forgetting the pain that they may be causing the person of whom they have just ridiculed.

So, yes, death and grieving have touched my heart and life. So here I sit, letting the thoughts flow through my mind, down to my finger tips to write from a heart saddened once again to process life with yet another loss in my life, my spiritual papa.