When tragedy hits home

 

In memory of my late husband, Robert

March 18, 1963 - October 4, 2012

When tragedy hits home, how do we respond? What is the affect that it takes on the body? Where does our strength come from? What if we look normal and no one can see the struggles we go through?

When you think you are strong enough to move forward, when you push yourself ahead, only to find that the weakness is still there. Learning to take one day at a time and enjoy the blessings that God has surrounded you with. We are called to live one day a time, but many, under pressure and stress try to push forward into the next day, year, 10 years. But yet, God gives us manna and grace for one day. Not taking anything more or anything less but what will fill you for that one day.

The third anniversary of my late's husband's death is soon approaching, October 4. Even though, I have moved forward and God has blessed me with another husband for the last year and a half, and a beautiful daughter, the consequences of his death still takes a toll on my body, mind and emotions. The world says move forward, let the past go. God says 'Rest in me.' I don't have to compare my grief with another's grief. I don't have to compare my story to anyone else's. God has given me my life to live the journey that He set forth for me. Nothing is a surprise for The Lord. I can be secure in the grace that God gives me to live each day. To be the blessing of those closest to me. And I have the hope that The Lord is using me in ways that I don't see.

My desire since knowing The Lord on June 19, 1988 has been to make a difference for Him. The Lord has taken me around the world, 13 different countries, and touching many nations with friends along the way. This little, shy, farm girl who had no voice listened to The Lord. It's a choice that I will never forget and don't regret. And now, living in a huge city and attending a church the size of my small town. I know that God has not forgotten me and He knows right where I am. The confidence of knowing The Lord and Him being Lord over my life was sealed the day I lost Robert. The grace and strength The Lord gave me during the time of Robert's death has been unique and quite warming to my heart and mind.

I made a difference in the last five years of Robert's life. And I can only trust that I am making a difference now in ways that I can not see.

Are you walking in God's grace and strength or walking in your own? The Lord says, He will give us rest.'

Lost

When an avalanche happens much is lost. The beauty of the landscape, to the animals that inhabit the location. Plus, if anyone has ever built anything around such a place, all is lost beneath the rubble.


So, what happens when an 'avalanche' hits a person? It could be a death, moving, accident and so on. The person remains intact but the emotions may go on an emotional roller coaster.

Death and grief go hand-in-hand. When there is death a world can turn upside down. With God in the midst of it, there is grace to walk through. There is a Light that shines through the rubble. It's being able to walk through the rubble and make sense of the life at the other end of that rubble. What will it look like? Much is lost but there is still a whole lot to gain. Stepping up and over and around the boulders that have fallen. Wondering if you will be able to continue on.

Looking back I have had ten deaths in the last six years. Some that held significant places in my life and others that affect me, as it has hit close to home. Now being in a safe place, I am seeing the rubble where I have come from. But yet being able to move forward takes a baby step each day.

Boxes still fill my house, as I sift through my emotions and 'stuff', to create a new life with the blessings of a new husband and a daughter. God knew what I would need when he brought them into my life. There is joy in my life and I have moved forward, but yet, there is a darkness that lurks beneath.

When meeting new friends, my conversations can quickly turn to death and grief. It's not that I hold onto them but each conversations leads and directs from your life. My life in the last six years has drastically taken a turn. So, as I sort through my rubble, will those who come into my life be able to give me the grace to sort through my life.

Many will say 'you need to let go'...my question, let go of what? Many will say 'you need to move on'...I have done such. Many will say 'you need to forgive'...is this really about forgiveness or finding a life that has drastically changed? Many will say 'the past is the past'...so what does that really mean? The answers come quickly from folks who may not understand or have walked the path of grief and loss. And there is forgiveness for those who lack the understanding and quickly speak with their mouths.

Doesn't the past reflect upon what the future holds. When Jesus comes into a person's life, He doesn't just change you over night but over time. There are times when He may do that in a person's life but for the most part, if He drastically changed you over night, you would not be able to recognize yourself. It is gradual as you seek The Lord each day.

We are not lost in God's eyes when tragedy hits. His Hand of grace and strength can be found. As we move forward there is much to gain. There are others that will follow behind. Will you be a blessing to those that may walk in your footsteps? What are the hidden things that God wants to bring forth into your life? We live and have our being in Him. He is the One who has given us breathe. He knows everything about you! So when things are 'lost', look for the Shining Light in the rubble.

Jesus' past is our hope for the future. Him dying on the cross has given us eternal life. Our past does reflect our future, we are made in the Lord's image. His past reflects our future. Nothing is lost if we continue to seek The Lord. There is Hope!!